I don’t spend as much time as I used to in prayer. Not that I was this huge prayer warrior of dedication. I did have periods of time over many years when I offered up lots and lots of prayers for everyone and everything. Sometimes I would write the prayers in a notebook. There are so many instances where I would feel pretty inadequate trying to help anyone going through a tough time, and so I would try to compensate with prayer. I believe there’ve been studies that conclude prayer does help and has a positive impact on people even when they do not know they are being prayed for.
So why do I not pray as often? It’s not that I don’t believe in prayer, because I do. In light of my circumstances, these days I tend to look at most all things in a different light. Years ago, in my 20s, I began reading books with positive messages. It was like a steady diet for my brain, and a way to reprogram my way of thinking. In my childhood, I had to deal with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother. Don’t get me wrong, my parents had some amazing qualities and I loved them very much and still do to this day (Mom died in 1997 and Dad in 1998). Still, there were plenty of dramatics growing up which had a negative effect on me, and at some point I had to approach life in a different way. I suppose those uplifting, self-help kind of books, as well as the Bible, did positively affect my life. I definitely have had a full life filled with many wonderful moments and I learned to appreciate all that I have. And I know that my reading about bettering myself and applying certain principles to my life did help me steer it in the right direction.
It’s sort of like now, though, I have a kind of “it’s out of my control” attitude. I concentrate more on being here, now, and not so much on sending up prayers to God for answers or solutions or ‘fixes’. And of course, I am looking at God in a different light as well. Trying to get away from the ‘religious’ God and seeing Him as more universal, perhaps. More all-encompassing?
Oh, the people writing a lot of those self-help books: what can they offer me at this point? How many have walked in my shoes? Some of that positive stuff is now met with intolerance on my part. I guess it applied at one time, but now not so much. So I don’t want to waste time reading it. I find myself more uplifted listening to really good music……LOVE my ipod…..and my mood can change when I hear a great song on the radio.