The beauty of routine

When I found that effing lump about 14 months ago, Mark was in his senior year of high school, and his many senior activities kept the three of us busy during the months I was having chemo. I have to say, Mark’s senior year was an exciting time.  He was a stand-out in his class of quite a few talented kids.  We were and are so proud of him.

Then we prepared for a most spectacular graduation party for Mark to be held in our backyard.  It was beautiful; once again all the amazing people like my husband, son, sisters, friends helped make it happen.  Wow, such a fine, memorable day.

So now chemo was done, Mark had graduated, the party was held. I had the summer off from work. And I began having a lot of anxiety.  Too much down time.  Most of the summer was gone before I finally started taking anti-anxiety medicine: Buspar.  Love that stuff.  Doesn’t make me drowsy.  Doesn’t zone me out.  Calms me so I can get through each day feeling normal.

In August 2011, Mark headed off to begin his first year of college at Duquesne University, a great big adjustment for all of us.  And it was time for me to go back to work.  As difficult as it was emotionally for me to have my son move to the university campus, and crazy as the first weeks of work can be once school starts back up, it helped me move forward.

Once I got into the routine of things and as Mark adjusted to college life, my anxiety lessened even more.  Tom and I fell into a casual cadence that seemed to soothe us after all the trauma that we’d experienced in the previous 8-10 months.  We found  calmness in daily tasks like washing laundry, vacuuming, grocery shopping, paying bills.  We were like Weebles.  “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.”  Our world wobbled out of control but we held up, and finally stopped wobbling.  We were getting back to some type of normalcy.  There was comfort in the routine.

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